Legalize It!
That title could refer to three things I firmly believe should not only be legal, but never should have been outlawed in the first place: weed, prostitution, and gay marriage. But let's just tackle that last one for now, mmmkay?
Here's the thing with marriage: I've been married, and you know? Not that great. I mean, I know there are happily married couples out there, but that wasn't my personal experience (to say the least). But hey, I say let gay people marry. Not because "they should be as miserable as everyone else" ha ha ha. Yeah, that's a real knee-slapper, innit?
Gay people should be able to marry because they are human beings, and love is a basic human right and need.
The gay people in the United States of America should be able to marry because it says so on this piece of really old paper called The Declaration of Independence. I swear, it totally does. Check it!
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
(I made that really big in case somebody very stupid is reading this.)
Let me break that down further, though. See, if you live in this country and you're all street-legal (you know, you pay taxes and have a Social Security number and a driver's license and a birth certificate), you get to do basically whatever floats your boat, as long as it's not, like, raping and murdering and whatnot. This includes that glorious old tradition of legally binding and committing yourself to one person for all of eternity, no matter how rough the goings. Seems pretty cut and dried, right? I mean, if you're looking at the Dec o' Indie, it says plain as day, clear as crystal: ALL MEN. EQUAL. Booyah!
But, see? There are people in the big bad old gummint who have decided that-- not unlike the swines in Orwell's "Animal Farm"---all of us are equal, but some of us are more equal than others. This means that some people (meaning: those who have the same private parts as each other) shouldn't be allowed to get married. And, why, exactly?
This is where shit gets hinky: no one can seem to answer this question in a way that satisfies me. You can read from any gov't-written document that claims marriage is 'between a man and a woman', but just stop right there.
Because: Who says?
SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE at SOME TIME decided this. Some old, white, and uptight old guy saw two hot Minutemen going at it in a barn, was repulsed, and then said whatever the Revolutionary War-era term was for "Oh no you didn't!" And from then on, old uptight white guys made all the decisions and we all just kind of shrugged and said alrighty then.
And since then, the old uptight white guys told their wives and kids and friends that men should only marry women. But again, where is the why? Where is the reason? I think I know. And it's not because we need to propagate the species, it's not because it's 'the norm', and it's not because 'it's the way it's always been'.
It's because of sex.
Old uptight white guys do not want to allow their minds to go to the dark side. They don't want to think about what two gay guys or two big dykes do in bed together, because Ewww! I really do believe that's what it all comes down to. This segment of society is being discriminated thanks to their own DNA. I believe a person is born gay, like they're born with white skin or an extra nipple. It's PART of who they are. You can change almost everything about yourself physically, thanks to surgery, but if it's innate, you can't kill it. You can't de-program it. And how dare the United States Government step in and decide who's allowed to love and who isn't?
Let's take a look at what American society has deemed acceptable, marriage-wise: people can go to a DRIVE-IN wedding chapel and get hitched without even getting out of the car. People are treating a major lifelong partnership like picking up a Happy Meal; you might get some nourishment out of it, but ultimately it is NOT good for you.
Marriage in America is always treated like a joke...until someone decides to "threaten it". Really? Britney Spears being married for 55 hours is fine, Elizabeth Taylor and J Lo and Zsa Zsa can get married and divorced endless amounts of times, and Americans chuckle and watch it all like entertainment. But my dear friends Marc and Floyd, together lo these 22 years, want to get married, and all of a sudden, marriage becomes this sacred thing that no one dare besmirch. And stfu right there. The only threat to straight people from gay people getting married is that their receptions will always be more fabulous. That's about where it ends, the way I see it.
So. Let's recap: Love is a good thing. FOR ALL. Marriage is not always a good thing, but for those who really and truly want it, they should have it.
Here's the thing with marriage: I've been married, and you know? Not that great. I mean, I know there are happily married couples out there, but that wasn't my personal experience (to say the least). But hey, I say let gay people marry. Not because "they should be as miserable as everyone else" ha ha ha. Yeah, that's a real knee-slapper, innit?
Gay people should be able to marry because they are human beings, and love is a basic human right and need.
The gay people in the United States of America should be able to marry because it says so on this piece of really old paper called The Declaration of Independence. I swear, it totally does. Check it!
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
(I made that really big in case somebody very stupid is reading this.)
Let me break that down further, though. See, if you live in this country and you're all street-legal (you know, you pay taxes and have a Social Security number and a driver's license and a birth certificate), you get to do basically whatever floats your boat, as long as it's not, like, raping and murdering and whatnot. This includes that glorious old tradition of legally binding and committing yourself to one person for all of eternity, no matter how rough the goings. Seems pretty cut and dried, right? I mean, if you're looking at the Dec o' Indie, it says plain as day, clear as crystal: ALL MEN. EQUAL. Booyah!
But, see? There are people in the big bad old gummint who have decided that-- not unlike the swines in Orwell's "Animal Farm"---all of us are equal, but some of us are more equal than others. This means that some people (meaning: those who have the same private parts as each other) shouldn't be allowed to get married. And, why, exactly?
This is where shit gets hinky: no one can seem to answer this question in a way that satisfies me. You can read from any gov't-written document that claims marriage is 'between a man and a woman', but just stop right there.
Because: Who says?
SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE at SOME TIME decided this. Some old, white, and uptight old guy saw two hot Minutemen going at it in a barn, was repulsed, and then said whatever the Revolutionary War-era term was for "Oh no you didn't!" And from then on, old uptight white guys made all the decisions and we all just kind of shrugged and said alrighty then.
And since then, the old uptight white guys told their wives and kids and friends that men should only marry women. But again, where is the why? Where is the reason? I think I know. And it's not because we need to propagate the species, it's not because it's 'the norm', and it's not because 'it's the way it's always been'.
It's because of sex.
Old uptight white guys do not want to allow their minds to go to the dark side. They don't want to think about what two gay guys or two big dykes do in bed together, because Ewww! I really do believe that's what it all comes down to. This segment of society is being discriminated thanks to their own DNA. I believe a person is born gay, like they're born with white skin or an extra nipple. It's PART of who they are. You can change almost everything about yourself physically, thanks to surgery, but if it's innate, you can't kill it. You can't de-program it. And how dare the United States Government step in and decide who's allowed to love and who isn't?
Let's take a look at what American society has deemed acceptable, marriage-wise: people can go to a DRIVE-IN wedding chapel and get hitched without even getting out of the car. People are treating a major lifelong partnership like picking up a Happy Meal; you might get some nourishment out of it, but ultimately it is NOT good for you.
Marriage in America is always treated like a joke...until someone decides to "threaten it". Really? Britney Spears being married for 55 hours is fine, Elizabeth Taylor and J Lo and Zsa Zsa can get married and divorced endless amounts of times, and Americans chuckle and watch it all like entertainment. But my dear friends Marc and Floyd, together lo these 22 years, want to get married, and all of a sudden, marriage becomes this sacred thing that no one dare besmirch. And stfu right there. The only threat to straight people from gay people getting married is that their receptions will always be more fabulous. That's about where it ends, the way I see it.
So. Let's recap: Love is a good thing. FOR ALL. Marriage is not always a good thing, but for those who really and truly want it, they should have it.
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